2008 Lists…

Countries Visited (5) -

United States (three times), Ireland, Honduras, Belize, Mexico

New Sporting Venues Visited (5) -

Prudential Center (New Jersey Devils), Wachovia Center (Philadelphia 76ers), Centennial Field (Vermont Lake Monsters), Trent Bridge (England v New Zealand test match), Queen’s Park, Chesterfield (Derbyshire cricket)

Test Centuries Witnessed (1) -

Kevin Pietersen v South Africa at The Oval

The Dmitri Loss List -

Singlehood, Wallet (once – but recovered. News travelled fast and I got two new wallets for Christmas), Mobile Phone (somewhere in County Clare), wedding ring (once – but recovered).

RIP -

Thankfully only one I knew well enough to go to his funeral, Mickey Bright. Long may this list be short.

Memorable Moments

Getting married in Cape May is obviously the highlight.

The engagement scene at Canary Wharf was also one of great amusement and joy. I confess I swore.

Snorkelling in Cozumel was exhilirating, as was swimming with Stingrays off Belize.

The Engagement party took a lot of organising, but was a tremendous laugh. I had too much to drink.

Christmas Day arrival of the beloved.

The moment I heard the visa had been granted. Thank God there was no-one in the office.

Disappointments

Being let down badly by Nationwide and the crap solicitors they appointed, and then being stitched up by their own watchdog. Disgraceful and disheartening.

The Oval Test was a damp, meaningless squib and I hope this year’s is better.

Fernwood in the Pocono.

The UK Border office – Passport control who still can’t get it in their skulls that my wife is a legitimate visitor with a valid visa now.

But other than that, not a lot really.

Memorable Places Visited -

I love Vermont, and Burlington was brilliant. Would love to go back there.

Cape May in late summer is good, with lovely sea temperatures, beaches and places to wine and dine.

I warmed a little to Miami.

San Pedro in Belize.

Would have been nice to see the Cliffs of Moher. Unfortunately when we got there it was fog bound. The bits of Clare we did see were stunning.

And my first camera stuck where the sun don’t shine! Hurrah!

Hopes for 2009

Happiness, health and hopefully some very good news some time…

My wife to settle in London and have a great time here.

WindyBricks to be promoted. Occidental Cured Meat to go bust. Yankees to implode under the weight of egos. Red Sox to win it all again. The Dolphins miracle to continue. KP to slam the Aussies and regain the Ashes. And Dmitri not quite as Old to chill out and enjoy life!!!!!

Global Warming, Sorry, Climate Change Spin…

I would just ask people to look at these two press releases from the Met Office / University of East Anglia…

Prediction for 2007…

2007 – forecast to be the warmest year yet

2007 is likely to be the warmest year on record globally, beating the current record set in 1998, say climate-change experts at the Met Office.

Each January the Met Office, in conjunction with the University of East Anglia, issues a forecast of the global surface temperature for the coming year. The forecast takes into account known contributing factors, such as solar effects, El Niño, greenhouse gases concentrations and other multi-decadal influences. Over the previous seven years, the Met Office forecast of annual global temperature has proved remarkably accurate, with a mean forecast error size of just 0.06 °C.

Met Office global forecast for 2007

• Global temperature for 2007 is expected to be 0.54 °C above the long-term (1961-1990) average of 14.0 °C;
• There is a 60% probability that 2007 will be as warm or warmer than the current warmest year (1998 was +0.52 °C above the long-term 1961-1990 average).

The potential for a record 2007 arises partly from a moderate-strength El Niño already established in the Pacific, which is expected to persist through the first few months of 2007. The lag between El Niño and the full global surface temperature response means that the warming effect of El Niño is extended and therefore has a greater influence the global temperatures during the year.

Katie Hopkins from Met Office Consulting said: “This new information represents another warning that climate change is happening around the world. Our work in the climate change consultancy team applies Met Office research to help businesses mitigate against risk and adapt at a strategic level for success in the new environment.”

And now…the Prediction for 2008…

Global temperature 2008: Another top-ten year

3 January 2008

2008 is set to be cooler globally than recent years say Met Office and University of East Anglia climate scientists, but is still forecast to be one of the top-ten warmest years.

Each January the Met Office, in conjunction with the University of East Anglia, issues a forecast of the global surface temperature for the coming year. The forecast takes into account known contributing factors, such as El Niño and La Niña, increasing greenhouse gas concentrations, the cooling influences of industrial aerosol particles, solar effects and natural variations of the oceans.

Met Office forecast for global temperature for 2008

Global temperature for 2008 is expected to be 0.37 °C above the long-term (1961-1990) average of 14.0 °C, the coolest year since 2000, when the value was 0.24 °C.

For 2008, the development of a strong La Niña in the tropical Pacific Ocean will limit the warming trend of the global climate.  During La Niña, cold waters upwell to cool large areas of the ocean and land surface temperatures. The forecast includes for the first time a new decadal forecast using a climate model. This indicates that the current La Niña event will weaken only slowly through 2008, disappearing by the end of the year.

Prof. Chris Folland from the Met Office Hadley Centre said: “Phenomena such as El Niño and La Niña have a significant influence on global surface temperature and the current strong La Niña will act to limit temperatures in 2008. However, mean temperature is still expected to be significantly warmer than in 2000, when a similar strength La Niña pegged temperatures to 0.24 °C above the 1961-90 average. Sharply renewed warming is likely once La Niña declines.”

These cyclical influences can mask underlying warming trends with Prof. Phil Jones, Director of the Climatic Research Unit, University of East Anglia, saying: “The fact that 2008 is forecast to be cooler than any of the last seven years (and that 2007 did not break the record warmth set on 1998) does not mean that global warming has gone away. What matters is the underlying rate of warming – the period 2001-2007 with an average of 0.44 °C above the 1961-90 average was 0.21 °C warmer than corresponding values for the period 1991-2000.”

 

Now, readers, look how good their prediction was for 2007. The WARMEST ever. No messing, no bull. Unequivocal. No doubt. Tipping points, unreversible climate change. Look for the admission where they got it wrong in the dismal summer of 2007 – and I’ll bet 2008’s top heatwave is going to match the figures set out by these politically funded and motivated cretins before long…

I am NO expert. Before scientists come on here and give it all that, as one or two ludicrously did on my old blog, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t tell us to mend our ways, change our planet, restrain our lifestyles on the back of a load of old bullshit, when our eyes tell us the opposite. You can’t piss on my leg and tell me its raining. Yesterday my car registered its lowest temperature that I can recall when I started it up at 9:15. It was -4.5 Celsisus. No, not scientific, but f*cking cold nonetheless, and in the days of having cars with temperature gauges, it was the lowest I recall.

It’s getting colder. Even the latest press release shows 2008 as the lowest reading in the last 8 years. Oh, they claim it is in the top 10 ever, which of course is crap, because no-one can possibly measure what happened decades ago, but the fact is when we are being told to cut down, rein back etc., and how beastly we all are, its colder. No dispute.

Consensus my hole.

Sporting Hopes – 2009 – Cricket

England to regain the Ashes and restore some pride to a team that promises quite a bit but just doesn’t seem to deliver. Regrettably I think this could only be done with a new coach, and as the current incumbent doesn’t seem to be under any real pressure, I’m not sure how we are going to do it. The bloke has not taken us to a series win of any real merit since he’s been in charge.

Kevin Pietersen to be a real success in 2009, and score over 700 runs in the Ashes series and nab himself a big double ton along the way. He is the only real hope for that sort of score these days, and yet we burden him with the captaincy.

Alastair Cook to fulfill his promise and make a really big score. I said that never has a batsman gone a year without a test ton and still been an automatic choice, but Cook did that in 2008. He has temperament, he has class, he has ability, now he needs to go through with it. He’s got to show he’s more Strauss than Bell.

England to drop Ian Bell and find someone, anyone, else. Give Robert Key a go. Give Joe Denly a go. Give Owais Shah a go. Give Paul Horton a go. Give Scott Newman a go. Give Darren Maddy a go for chrissake. Anyone but this perennial failure and bottle job. Someone came out the other day that he’s learning the lessons of a young batsman. He’s played 45 f*cking test matches and he’s still in need of learning? No, we pick him for the West Indies….

A year of full fitness and pace for Simon Jones, and a fairytale return to the international scene. The unsung hero of 2005, the prospect the Aussies faced of having seen off the probing swing of Hoggard and the fire of Harmison only to have to cope with Flintoff and Jones made us a feared team. We now bring on the likes of James Anderson or Stuart Broad and they just don’t have it for me. Jones back in the England team is a pipe dream, but I am hoping.

Flintoff to recover some form with the bat and take at least one six wicket test haul. There were signs with the bat in India, and importantly Australia won’t be bringing a class spinner with them as Freddie definitely struggles starting up with them. In the bowling department, I want less “bowling like a Trojan” and more “ran through the top order”. I still say he isn’t a test number 6.

Surrey to go straight back up, although I doubt it. For a while now they’ve coasted along and not been able to hire the bowling forces to take 20 wickets on a consistent basis. Now they are back down in the division they destroyed three seasons ago but with a much weaker team. The pursuit of Harbajhan Singh may be great for the second half of the season, when most county cricket is going to be played, but it is imperative the Surrey team get off to a quick start. Kent are obvious favourites for Division 2, and Essex are going to be tough as well. I couldn’t care less about limited over shin-digs.

On the international front, India to get their wings clipped, which is unlikely in New Zealand in our spring, but hoepfully they’ll not win the World 20/20, although they have to be the strongest of favourites. India are due to host Sri Lanka in the Autumn, which should pose a decent test for them. However, they have warmed to England a bit after the players went back for the two test series and provided a fantastic match at Chennai (which although we lost, and I had the hump about it, you have to say was a great game and an advert for test cricket) which got the right result for the host country. I just abhor the IPL and all it stands for….

Australia to continue their regression back to the pack and the blood letting that will inevitably ensue. Already whispers and murmurs are being raised about Ponting’s captaincy – nothing he wasn’t doing when England were duffing them up in 2005 – and of the dearth of bowling supplies coming through. I still believe they could pick any six out of 10 batsmen – and I’m leaving Hayden out as they should be – and still put a team out that can score enough runs to put teams under pressure. Perm any six out of Jaques, Rogers, Katich, Ponting, M. Hussey, D. Hussey, M. Clarke, Voges, D. Thornely and Hodge. They also speak highly of some guy called Hughes at NSW. Their batting will be formidable, their bowling needs sharpening up.

Steve Harmison to actually care would be nice.

But most importantly, and selfishly, a lovely summer so that I can enjoy cricket and go to see games at grounds such as Guildford, Whitgift and Tunbridge Wells, and maybe a day trip to an outground in the country somewhere…

Looking Back At 2008 – Part 1

I confess… I quite like Fox News. I know it is owned by Murdoch, I know it has an awful reputation in the eyes of many, but it is entertaining, it is often funny and let’s face it, it was the only TV network in the States not part of the Barack Obama Fan Club.

However, the funniest moment I have seen was this interview Bill O’Reilly had with Barney Frank. Anyone interested in the background can find out both sides of the story on the blogosphere, but it is the sheer hilarity one gets from watching two “respectable” grown men having a full blown row, and one shouting at the other, that brings tears to the eyes. Imagine Paxman doing this with Alastair Darling….

More looking back in 2008 in the next day or so…..

PS – Another, longer version, can be found here….

Completely Uninteresting Fact…

A story making the rounds in the United States is a bit close to home…

Search suspended for missing cruise ship passenger

The beloved and I were on the Norwegian Pearl a month ago. Close enough, but the beloved was looking around for more information last night and found out that… she was staying in Room 11122. This was two doors down from the room we stayed in.

Several theories for the disappearance.

Suicide.

Pushed.

Hard to believe it was an accident as the rail is quite high.

Motives for suicide.

• Depression
• Fed up with being pimped tamzanite by the on-board sales guru
• Fed up with hearing the bingo-caller saying tonight’s jackpot was extra large
• Didn’t like salty food
• Why am I paying an additional service charge on top of the service charge for a beer I poured myself?
• Roatan.

Cruising wasn’t really my bag, although I would not write off doing it again, but I had a fun time while I was there. What irked me is the nature of the people on board. Some clearly live for this as the only way to travel, and it mystifies me as to why. The food, if you did not pay extra, had more salt than the Dead Sea. The alcohol is ludicrously over-priced. The bombardment of sales people selling anything not nailed down wears on you. The bingo bloke would have been lined up against the wall and shot at the first opportunity. The entertainment director was less Paul Shane (Hi-De-Hi) than Shane Warne (he was an Aussie). But the man who irked Mrs Dmitri and the unirkable was Jason, the Tamzanite pimp. We attended a session advertised as “information on your cruise stops”, and instead turned into this pillock telling us how well tamzanite had held its value and all the great value shops he could get us discounts in. I didn’t want to know about tax law, I wanted to know about where to go, what to see, and how to acquire local currency etc.

The mini-suite from which this poor woman fell to her death was lovely and I had absolutely no complaints about that.

I hope Jason can sleep at night.

{Fanfare} – THE 2008 DMITRI AWARDS

Most loathesome team (All Sport)

It would be tempting to go for the New York Yankees for their end of year spending spree, for Manchester United as the most ungracious Champions League winners and perennial figure of my hate, or for the Australian cricket team but it would be unfair to laugh at them in this current darkest hour. A dark horse would be the Indian cricket team for becoming good at the same time as they take up their mantle as the world’s dominant domestic cricket force. But in a leftfield choice, and one that will please one of my correspondents, I’ll go for Glasgow Rangers, for putting up that show at the UEFA Cup Final, for being the charming travellers we knew they were, and for just being them.

Most loathesome sporting individual (All Sport)

Some really honourable mentions here for Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter as the Yankees spiralled out of the post-season, for the ever annoying (to me only) Ian Bell who somehow stays in the England team despite doing eff all squared, and for Ricky Ponting who still, somehow, makes my blood boil every time I see him on the televison. At the end of the day it comes down to two – and Cristiano Ronaldo pips Matthew Hayden to the post. Hayden went backwards towards the end of the year and this fall from grace means my loathing diminishes as he desperately clings on to fame. Ronaldo, though, wins because he just does not change. He’s a great player with the ethics of a snake. He cheats, he dives, he sneers, he piss-takes, he cons, he weasels, he betrays, he stirs, and yet he is rewarded. I despise the man with my very soul.

Most loathsome sports reporter – press (All Sport)

I am going to rename this award the Martin Samuel Award. Him again. No reason other than I haven’t the foggiest where Oliver Holt is these days.

Most loathsome sports reporter – TV and radio (All Sport)

Now this is a good one and shows the power of one minute over a drip feed of incessant banality. If I had not had BBC on the day Hull beat West Bromwich, the insipid, odious Jeff Shreeves off Sky Sports would have had it all day long. Even this week, when Wenger had the hump, he asked such dumb questions, such soft tosses to a man in a mood, that he couldn’t bring him out to say anything controversial or even to get him to flounce off. But, no, Jeff, you lose to Garth Crooks. I remember when Ray Stubbs went to him as Hull were going top (I think) albeit briefly of the Premier League, and asked what Garth thought. He stuck his nose up in the air, imperceptibly scratching his chin like some wisened old guru, and then went into a monologue on what Tottenham’s chairman should be saying to Juande Ramos. I screamed at the TV, which if it wasn’t on the top of my fridge may have been propelled through the window. You win, Crooks.

Most loathsome commentator (All Sport)

It is not even close. In this field, where the likes of Peter Drury, Alan Green, John Motson, Sir Ian Botham, Ian Healy, Euan Murray and Alan Parry roam the airwaves, there is one man guaranteed to get the blood pressure up to unsafe levels. Mark Nicholas. I will leave the sycophantic Australian commentary for one minute (you can imagine how much snivelling and crawling he did around Ritchie Benaud to get that gig) where he can scream “OH NO” when Hayden gets out (when all Englishmen should be going “F*** Yes”), but it is his hyperbolic drivel that gets to me. I have misplaced Atherton’s biography where he has a go at Nicholas for being too excited, but it summed him up – I’ll dig it out and post it when I do come across it. Mark Nicholas will be on C5 for the Ashes, so even with Botham tutting away, I’ll be getting my highlights from Sky.

Most loathsome sports news presenter (All Sport)

Chris Hollins is a joke. He trivialises sport, and acts like a chimp on the BBC Breakfast News sofa. Although ZS may lobby for Jim White, a UNESCO World Heritage ****, if I take what it does to my blood pressure as the measure, it has to be Hollins.

Most loathsome commentator (Football)

Tough one as I get most of my football on Sky, and that’s limited. Motson is an old fart that needs to be pensioned off. Alan Parry is full of righteous indignation but I still remember him as the athletics commentator on ITV so he has no standing in my eyes. No, I think, for his rehearsed monologues and tedious posturing commentating, and claiming the worst on ITV from Clive “did I mention Barcelona, Manchester United, Solskjaer” Tyldesley, is Peter Drury. His reading out of the “Rangers Legends” not to have played in a European final with that outfit was extraordinary. Awful performance.

Most loathsome commentator (Cricket)

Mark Nicholas for the reasons stated above. Should be banned from British television.

Most loathsome commentator (US Sport)

Michael Kay or Chris Berman. Tough. On my original notes I gave it to Berman because he’s seen as some sort of sporting behemoth on ESPN, with his two minute drill and his domination of Monday Night Football with more esteemed, distinguished guests. He clearly loves himself and he’s clearly bonkers. Michael Kay is the voice of the Yankees, with all the wiggle room in his commentary on YES as the presenters of the Moscow Evening News had under Brezhnev. However, what clinches it for me was a drive back from Rowe to New Jersey in September when I heard Kay lay into the Yankees with a gusto and a force I’d never heard from him before. He slagged off player after player, fan after fan, in a manner which if he tried that on in a Yankee broadcast would have him sacked in an instant. You f*cking hypocrite, Kay. You win.

Most loathsome commentator (Other)

Euan Murray, the voice of Sky Sports Golf. Another twat full on the hyperbole, but also keen to show he’s in with the in crowd. Makes the Ryder Cup almost unbearable to watch, which is one good thing that my ear infection brought about, because I was in the States when that was on.

The Lewis Hamilton Award for Least Convincing Excuse

I may need to come back to that one. I’m looking at the BBC (and other) athletics commentators defending Christina Uhorougou, as they couldn’t win the hypocrisy award while Matthew Hayden is spouting crap like that.

The Steve McClaren Good In A Crisis Award

Ian Bell would be the obvious choice for digging us out of many a hole in the England team. But Amir Khan is the new kid on the block here for going down against the first half decent fighter he came across and losing his head. You can get rid of most of your faults as a boxer, but what you can’t lose is a glass jaw. Ask Charlie Magri.

The Kevin Pietersen Sports God Award

I wasn’t taken by the Michael Phelps orgy of golds. I’m sorry, but there’s something quite unedifying about it, but that’s the American way. I would like to say Chris Hoy for his Olympic performances, and true, he was a brilliant and worthy winner of BBC Sports Personality of the Year. To me it is tempered by the fact that if given the same opportunities by the Olympic organisers, Victoria Pendleton would have matched those three golds (and I happen to think she’s quite nice too!). But for transcending a sport, making sprinting the king again, the 2008 Sports God is Usain Bolt. You don’t smash the most amazing record in the book, the most iconic record in the book and the relay record as well without being special. And then to do that on the biggest world stage, you are truly amazing.

You Should F*cking Retire Now Award

Take this as a positive – Joe Calzaghe. Please do it. I hated it that you fought Roy Jones Jr, who has been past it for about six year now. Leave it at that. Your reputation was enhanced when you beat Bernard Hopkins only after the Executioner went on to duff up Kelly Pavlik who should have been your next fight. Retire as an unbeaten legend, and don’t tarnish your legacy.

The Ricky Ponting Award for Brazen Hypocrisy

Harry Redknapp has some absolute front for jumping ship from Portsmouth, but then nothing that odious crook does surprises me. Willy MacKay must be salivating at the prospect of a January transfer window. Most Premier League managers should be up for it for their utter stupidity in front of the camera after something goes against them, and Wenger is one who is now really grating on me now his team is fading into obscurity. However, Matthew Hayden gets it for this absolute classic…

Were you taught from a young age that you are in it to win it always?
Within anything there is competitiveness to our culture. There is a perception that Australian people will win at all costs. That is true. We are very strong believers in winning, but winning ethically.

Sledging, bullying, intimidating, slurring, annoying, goading, cheating… the ethics of a snake. I laugh at your demise, Hayden.

The Andrew Flintoff You Are A Bloody Idiot Award.

If you take a gun into a nightclub and end up shooting yourself in the leg, facing a long stretch and probably voiding your lucrative contract at the best NFL team, you’d have to be a bit of a fruit loop. Stand up, if you can, Plaxico Burress.

 

And for a couple of positive ones

British Sportsperson of the Year

Chris Hoy. Three gold medals, and all the hints of a great bloke as well. Even if he is from Scotland. Honourable mentions to Rebecca Adlington, Bradley Wiggins and Lewis Hamiton

International Sportsperson of the Year

Usain Bolt. As said before, just an amazing performance at the Olympics. Honourable mentions to Rafael Nadal, Michael Phelps (not to sniff at his achievements), Paul Pierce of the Boston Celtics and Dale Steyn.

Individual Performance of the Year

Usain Bolt in the Olympic 200 metres. I never thought that world record would be broken.

Team of the Year

In the UK it has to go to our track cyclists who carried all before them. On the international front, it is a tie between the South African cricket team who are taking test cricket apart with away series victories in England and Australia (and should have won in India but for a scandalous pitch at Kanpur) and the New York Giants for shocking the world in the Superbowl and beating the undefeatable Patriots.

Best Sporting Moment

The last lap at Sao Paolo in the Brazilian Grand Prix. I think I was having a last drink in the UK before I got married and my brother was giving me a lift over to the venue, and we watched the finale in his house (I could be wrong about the details). It was an incredible spectacle as Hamilton first lost the title as the rain came down and then came back to win it with his last lap overtaking of Glock. It was exhilarating. The other grabbing moments were the 4^th Quarter of the Superbowl, Boston’s Game 5 comeback against the Rays, Windybricks beating the Dog Chains 3-1 in our Cup Final, and watching our team pursuitists demolish their foes live. I never saw Usain Bolt live, so can’t really get that in here. Honourable mention also to the Federer v Nadal Wimbledon final. It truly was a classic.

Dear Oh Dear

England have picked their squad for the West Indies.

Now, I for one wasn’t particularly clamouring for the return of Michael Vaughan, so the headline of the story isn’t the be all and end all for me. What particularly “amused”  me is this justification for not picking Vaughan…

“There’s got to be justification of why people are included in the side and since Michael’s problems last year when he gave up the captaincy there’s not been an awful lot of runs.”

Ian Bell has not had the burden of captaincy, yet has a lovely Caribbean jaunt to look forward to prepare him for the position of dragging us down when the pressure is on during the Ashes. If we are looking at runs from him, well… that’s just an optional extra for him, it seems.

As for more muddled thinking, why are we taking three spinners to the Caribbean?

Geoff Miller and Peter Moores ruling the roost. Inspiration indeed.

And Now…The End Is Near…..

Hubris.

While watching the last rites of the Dolphins v Jets game, I happened to switch over to Sky Sports 1 during an advert break to catch some of the action from the MCG. As I turned over Lord Haw Haw himself, Mark Nicholas, was in his usual hyperbolic frenzy over his adopted nation’s players; this time it was Matthew Hayden who on the basis of clumping a couple of boundaries was showing the positive spirit needed to get him out of this horrible slump he is in. The next ball he promptly blapped it straight to cover and Duminy pouched it. Mark Nicholas, showing what a cricketing whore he’s become, exclaims “OH NO!!!!!”. Any English cricket follower worth his salt wants seven shades of hell for that flat track bully, but not Haw Haw. Vic Marks describes my feelings on Hayden a lot more eloquently like than what I can… see here.

Australia are going down as quickly as Hayden’s batting average, if not as quickly as Michael Hussey’s (the 80+ average is now down below 60) and the fact is that they are powerless to do much about it. In this test they had South Africa in a noose, had the foot on the throat, and then allowed them a stay of execution with a bloke playing his second test getting a masterly 166, and Dale Steyn scoring 76 to take 192/7 to 450 odd all out. The best thing about it is that Australia, living in denial as they are,  just weren’t ready for it.

I know, I know. I said I doubted South Africa’s mental strength. The run chase in Perth exorcised a lot of demons, and coming back from this seemingly hopeless position to stand on the brink of immortality seems to prove me wrong. Maybe, when all is said and done, I’ve over-estimated Australia’s mental strength. A previous regime would have booted out Hayden long ago. What did Phil Jaques do wrong? His last test knock was 108 and he hasn’t played since! Hayden has just two half centuries since Australia Day. Then there is the enigma that is Andrew Symonds, who KP once called a great fielding allrounder. To watch the Brummie born West Indian in the field recently is to give me reminiscences of me lumbering around the outfield in my “pomp”. He’s got a bad knee, I had a big belly. The results are broadly comparable except he can catch and can throw. I’m talking nonsense. He should not be playing, is the upshot, and previous Aussie regimes would have had him fully fit before taking the field. He can’t bowl medium pace with his injury, and his batting is hit and miss at best.

The bowling was always going to be the chief problem, because you don’t replace McGrath and Drug Cheat easily. That their replacements are Siddle and Hauritz is a bit like Laurel and Hardy being replaced by the Chuckle Brothers. Brett Lee is now also complaining of injury and the side is unravelling before our eyes. To snatch a losing position from the close of play at Day 2 takes some doing. Siddle bowled well, but he’s no McGrath. Stuart Clark is missing too, and Australia must contemplate returning to the realms of the ordinary. Meanwhile South Africa’s worst fast bowler, Ntini, would walk into their team, and their first reserve, Nel, would probably get in too. Dale Steyn is living up to the promise he has threatened for a while now, and South Africa’s batting looks formidable. England go there next winter, and it’ll be interesting to see how we do.

Back to Australia, though, and one moment summed it up for me. Morne Morkel bowled a snorting bouncer to Michael Hussey which pinged him on the helmet, flew up in the air, and was caught at square leg. It never looked out, but Aleem Dar gave it. That moment Australia’s chickens came home to roost. The persistent dissent showed by drug cheat when outrageous appeals were turned down; the appealing by honest Joe Big Ears, the keeper with the game at heart, when he knew it wasn’t out; the bile emanating from Benny the Bull, the Transvestite Botherer when a 12th man run him out; the spirit of the game safe in the hands of the country that brought you the Chappells. At that moment, a horrible mistake went against them with their backs up against the wall and no McGrath or Drug Cheat to bale them out. Transvestite Botherer’s face was a picture. Aussie commentators, according to Adelaide Exile, moaned about the lack of referrals. Hussey’s luck was coming to an end, so was Australia’s. And they don’t really like it much…

The next couple of years are going to be very interesting.

They’re Back…

You really, sometimes, have to laugh at the New York Yankees. Believe me, as a Red Sox fan it can be tough to chuckle at their antics, but when you’ve been done again, there seems little option. When Dmitri Slighty Less Old rang me on Christmas Eve morning to tell me that Mark Texeira had surpised no-one in my household by signing for the New York Yankees for a top dollar contract with absolutely no get outs for the gargantuan egos from the Bronx, I chuckled to myself. Whatever happened to developing your own players, New York? Did you get bored that quickly?

The pretence is now over, and after a few years flirting around the edges, the New York Yankees have spent like a sailor on shore leave. What do we need, you could hear Hank and Hal murmur to themselves, after last season’s train wreck? The biggest free-agent pitcher – signed. Biggest in more ways than one. CC Sabathia wanted to hit, wanted to go to the West Coast, wanted to be in the NL…. oh well, the Yankees waved the biggest cheque and those desires waned… not surprising and we knew we’d have to face him again. He’ll be very good, but then again, we thought that about Randy Johnson and he did knob all for them.

Need another pitcher, so the second best free agent had to be their’s too, so they have picked up AJ Burnett on a long contract. AJ is a fine pitcher, when fit, and if some mug offered me a long-term big money deal in the face of all my medical track record, I’d gobble it up like a shot too. If he stays fit he is a great acquisition and can let them forget the humiliating build up for the likes of Philip Hughes and Ian Kennedy (Boston also built up Clay Buchholz, and yet had plans in place when he failed, unlike our friends from the Bronx who’s answer to the problems was Sidney Ponson and JtC busting his shoulder) last season. Stuff them, they are trade bait now.

And so, when Boston were being touted as the clear favourites to land Texeira, the fact the deal was not done always raised the red flags. When John Henry said Boston would not be a factor, the media thought he was bluffing. What was clear, to these eyes it seemed, is that New York had a need at first base – Giambi having taken his steroid fuelled body to pastures new – and they had cash in abundance (a new stadium, and lots of salary slashed). It always seemed a perfect fit that the best first baseman on the market would be a natural fit for them. So in they crashed, like a drunk at an auction, and outbid the highest bidder. I don’t blame Texeira for going there, but at the end of the day I do find the “I always wanted to play for the Yankees” bull nauseating. You are only there because they are paying you the most, so don’t take us all for suckers. 

It is clear that THEY are back. The AL East is now a horror zone with three play-off calibre teams on paper, and only two spots, maximum, to take. Will the Rays do it again with their young pitching staff a year older and a year wiser, and with the awesome looking David Price to add to the mix? Boston, hamstrung by health issues in the play-offs, with no Lowell and no Beckett worthy of the name, look stronger if key players stay fit, but the squad looks thin. I think we need another top pitcher, but the boys on the boards want a bat. And now the Yankees have stopped pretending that they’ll develop their own and just shopped for the most expensive goods. Should be quite a season.

They’re back all right.

Stick That Favre…..Not Fit To Lace Marino’s Boots

There’s so much to write when it comes to the Miami Dolphins 2008 Regular Season. Last night, in Giants Stadium, Miami defeated the New York Jets 24-17 to clinch the AFC East and nab a play-off spot. That I think this will mean a defeat at the hands of a very strong Baltimore Ravens team is a moot point. Miami’s turn around from circus act to high-level performers is a tribute to the coaching and management at a club that got rid of most of its aged stars, and built itself up on young, hungry talent and players with a point to prove.

 

Without doubt the best thing that happened to Miami took place on 11 July when the ego that played in the body of Brett Favre announced that he wanted to come back. Placing Green Bay in an invidious position, the Packers traded Favre to the New York Jets who believed they could move forward with the aged old crone. In so doing they had to release the frustrating Chad Pennington and Miami, in desperate need for a reasonable quarterback, let alone a good one like Pennington, steamed in. When Pennington so totally outplayed the legend that WAS Brett Favre it made me chuckle like mad. In picking up a “spectacular” player like Favre instead of a “steady” player like Pennington, the Jets imitated their sporting bedfellows in Gotham, the Yankees, in totally missing the point. Brett Favre is all about Brett Favre. The bloke threw 21 interceptions this season, for crying out loud. Sure, he lit up a couple of games with signs of old brilliance, but Favre ignored father time, and kept his sense of importance – and in the most unforgiving theatre in sports, New York City, he fell on his face.

 

Miami are being damned with faint praise – that thing about “soft schedules” is particularly funny, and yes, Miami did not have to play the Colts, the Steelers or a decent NFC team. Nor did the Jets. Miami did lose to some good teams – the Ravens, the Patriots and a first game of the season loss to the Jets, as well as a then in-form Cardinals team. The other loss, a stupid one in Houston, looked like it could have killed Miami’s dreams. However, the Phins did enough to win games – the Raiders, 49ers, Chiefs, Seahawks and Rams were beaten by small margins, but winning in Foxboro and beating the AFC West top two should not be sniffed at. The Jets blew it by being unable to win on the West Coast so don’t come crying. Other funny ones are that we were lucky Tom Brady went down – although Matt Cassel is being anointed as a superstar quarterback and the Pats went 11-5 and missed out. Karma is a bitch.

 

And Miami were 1-15 last season. The sheer scale of that train wreck was beyond comprehension (well at least until this season’s Detroit Lions laced up cleats) and with a strong leader in Parcells and an inspirational appointment of Sparano as coach, the team lost the first two games (a narrow home defeat to the then appointed “super bowl bound New York Jets) to get all us Phins fans thinking “just another year”. A win against the Patriots in Foxboro (I was in Wildwood, New Jersey that day having attended an Irish Festival) turned the season around, and Miami ended up winning 9 out of 10 to win the division. A great performance.

 

Chad Pennington is this team’s MVP. Without him Miami might have won four or five games. Miami also played very sensible football with interceptions limited to a minimum and the innovation of the Wildcat which still takes teams by surprise, although not quite as surprising as it was to the Patriots and their genius coach.

 

At the end of the day, though, it was lovely to see Chad Pennington, fired by the Jets for the corpse of Brett Favre go back to the Meadowlands and show the Jets what they chose to give up. As the New Yorkers wandered home, tails between legs, the laughter coming from South Florida must have been ringing in their ears. Thank you very much, New York.

 

Peter King, where for art thou?

The Cricket Yes/ No Game…

I now have seven entries into the competition. We have just two questions on which there is unanimity, and plenty of suckers people who believe England will regain the Ashes…

Get your answers in – see the post below…..

Last Day In The Office….

And a couple of observations for those mad enough to still be with me…

I’m all for this global warming lark. We’ve had a couple of crap summers, so some nice hot weather would do very nicely. Good to see the USA is having a very mild winter as evidenced by this.

And the Bears had to overcome the elements, too, as did the Packers.

The temperature at Soldier Field was announced at 2 degrees, making it the coldest home game in Bears’ history since records started being kept in 1963. The wind chill was 13 below, the second-lowest in recorded team annals, so the longtime rivals known for their ability to play in cold weather were tested by the elements.

You’d think a planet warming like it is wouldn’t be setting record low temperatures. Oh well. I suppose this year is a one-off. No record cold weather last year…

The projected high of 6 degrees for Green Bay, Wis., earlier in the week would feel almost balmy.

At 3:30 p.m. — 2:30 at Lambeau Field — the temperature was 0 degrees, with wind gusts of 12 miles an hour making it feel like it’s 17 below.

Meantime, the Patriots and Chargers began their game in Foxborough, Mass., in windy conditions with a temperature of 23 degrees, the lowest of the three AFC championship games played in Foxborough.

The previous low there for a title game was 27 degrees on Jan. 12, 1997 when New England beat Jacksonville 20-6 to advance to the Super Bowl where it lost to Green Bay 35-21 in New Orleans.

The lowest temperature for any Patriots game at Foxborough was 4 degrees in a 17-14 win over Tennessee on Jan. 10, 2004 in the first round of the playoffs.

Hurry up with this warm weather…mild winters….

Caught the overtime of the Chicago Bears v Green Bay game last night, and apart from looking utterly bone chilling, the Bears appeared to have all the luck in keeping their faint play-off hope alive (I think the Vikings will beat the Giants on Sunday as the reigning champs have less than zero to play for). According to the Mrs Dmitri, last night’s result eliminated the Philadelphia Eagles – and I know that she is utterly devastated about that…

Good to see Ian Bell stating his case to stay at number 3 in the batting line-up. What a fighting knock to make sure we get a draw. Also hilarious to see Yuvraj Singh taking the p*ss out of KP this morning. First he acted as if he got injured picking up the ball, then mimicked a pie-thrower. Nice one Yuvraj… When you get your test batting average up 15 clicks, then maybe you can talk to KP about your play as equals. As KP said “you are not a god, you are just a cricketer. And I’m a better one.” That said, I like the needle, and I must say, Yuvraj did bring a chuckle this morning. Better characters than automatons, and both Yuvraj and KP (although he takes himself far too seriously) are definitely not robots.

Posting may be sparse in the next few days, but those of my readers, old and on the off-chance new, should put their entries into the cricket game below. Come on, give it a go… even my american friends, who can guess and will probably do better than us who think we know!!!

If I don’t post, Merry Christmas. If I do post Season’s Greetings!

Call Me Cantankerous If You Like…

But the need for sports journalist to fill up their pages with any old detritus is just going too far. If it isn’t my old mate Geoff Shreve asking stupid question after stupid question “would it be fair to say that that was a battling performance, Arsene?” or “Did your team show character today, Arsene” – I mean, is he going to say “no, the lazy pr*cks couldn’t battle if their lives depended on it” or “no, they are a bunch of gutless, overpaid ponces” – of course he isn’t. It’s the interviewing equivalent of Tiger Woods playing Beckenham Place Park and me spotting him 10 shots. Ask questions like “would you agree with me that it’s a bit rich for Adebayor to be moaning about someone rolling over at the drop of an hat, when Gael Clichy went down like he was shot after a challenge by Keane and showed no ill effects thereafter?” and see where it woulf get you. It would get me watching. Or ask Robbie Keane “Be frank, you’ve been a waste of money haven’t you, and the manager ain’t got a scooby what to do with you?”

If you do that and question these congenital liars’ integrity,  like Crimson Snide and Harry The Crook, you ignore the BBC and get your lackey to go to the trouble of answering further soft toss questions.

I digress, not for the first time. My rant commences with this article on cricinfo. What could possibly bother me about this?

Answer – What precisely did you think Brad Haddin was going to say about Brett Lee. “Let’s face it, he’s bowling a load of old crap and doesn’t deserve to be in the team. To think I had to wait for old big ears to get out of the way and as soon as he does, my quick bowler becomes a pie chucker?” But this is the lead headline for an article so dull I was tempted to ask cricinfo for the 2 minutes it took to read it to be given back to me by way of a compensatory payment.

Of course, I’m picking on one Aussie example, but there’s plenty. Let’s look at Sky Sports headlines today.

The main headline is Robbie Keane hitting out at the critics. Great. You get one goal against Arsenal and you mouth off. Great – I hope this is a real lambasting for those having a go. Break out of the media dross Robbie (you have scored naff all FL points for me…)

“I am not frustrated at all (by the speculation),” said Keane.

 

“I suppose the only thing that I sometimes get frustrated by is when people outside the football club are talking about things to do with me, because they are trying to create something that is not there.

“I have already said that I know I will score goals for this club and I would prefer to be judged at the end of this season, not in December.”

Hmmm. If that’s hitting out, it is from the fluffy bunny school of hitting out. Jesus. Hype it up Sky.

Next story up for me is one of those that fall into the Brad Haddin category. Someone backing someone else…

“Skipper Backing For Scolari”

Oh dear lordy. He’s hardly going to say “fire the useless ponce, and can I have Jose back, please.

“The manager has been a great signing for the club, he has been different class,” Terry told the Evening Standard.

“He is a great man as well and gets on well with everyone away from the training pitch.

“He is like one of our friends, but on the training pitch he has the complete respect of the whole squad.

“Scolari has encouraged us to play a lot more football and get the full-backs to join in and have an effect going forward. He has in mind to keep clean sheets as well as score goals and we have been doing both.”

My brain hurts.

Then we have the next type of dismal rubbish. Someone talking about an upcoming fixture, which is just so predictable its untrue…

O’Neill Wary Of Gunners

No, I’d fully expect Martin O’Neill to come out and say, we’ll thrash the f*ckers and ain’t it great that Cesc Fabregas is crocked as well!!!! Don’t get me wrong, I love Martin O’Neill as a manager, and it is hardly his fault this rubbish is printed, but this is sports news equivalent of listening to the talking clock..

O’Neill commented: “I think they played exceptionally well against Liverpool once they went down to 10 men.

“To keep the ball in the fashion they did and carve out the chances they did, I think that speaks volumes for a side that still has designs on winning the championship.

“They have been a class side for a number of years and it is up to us to do our utmost to try and win this game.”

Why is this given house room?

Sports journalism – I know they have to fill up pages, but do me a favour. Give us something interesting. Stop pros backing fellow pros knowing full well when it comes to their autobiography they’ll be slagging each other off. Stop managers from spouting off insipid nonsense pre-game, and bile after if it hasn’t gone their way. And please, please, please, know the difference between news, and opinion.

Rant over. Merry Christmas.

2009 – Your Guesses – Yes / No – Part 1 – CRICKET

Easy game this….

20 statements – you answer yes/no to each of them. End of next year, we’ll see who gets the most right….

1. West Indies to regain the Wisden Trophy against England?

2. South Africa to beat Australia in the series in South Africa?

3. An England batsman to make a double century in tests in 2009?

4. Freddie Flintoff to score a test century?

5. Surrey to be promoted from Division 2 of the County Championship?

6. Ricky Ponting to be Australian captain at the 2009 Boxing Day test?

7. England to regain the Ashes?

8. Steve Harmison to be playing in the first Ashes test match?

9. A county batsman scoring 300+ in a championship fixture?

10. A batsman to make a century on 20/20 Finals Day?

11. An Indian to make the highest individual score in the World 20/20 competition?

12. An Englishman to make more than 130 in a ODI innings in 2009?

13. Michael Vaughan to make a test appearance in 2009?

14. An England bowler to take a hat-trick in any form of international cricket?

15. Mitchell Johnson to be Australia’s leading wicket-taker in the Ashes series?

16. A wicket-keeper to score a ton in the Ashes?

17. England to introduce no more than three debutants in test cricket in 2009?

18. England’s leading run-scorer in the Ashes series being born outside of England?

19. Jacques Kallis to score his first test 200 in 2009?

20. Matthew Hayden to make an Ashes century?

Cut and paste the questions and stick them in the comments with your yes and no.

In the event of a tie-breaker – put down the score of Australia’s 1st innings at Cardiff in the Ashes opener. Yes. Random as hell….

The Sporting News, The Dmitri Views..

WindyBricks had a goalless draw against the mob from the palace of darting dreams, and it was, quite frankly, garbage. So we’ll go on about it no more…

Australia v South Africa. Well, well, well. Let me eat humble pie about being mentally tough. Let me also laugh at Australia who for years mocked us for having Ashley Giles. He’d walk into their team as the spinner now. Mitchell Johnson may have claimed 8 wickets in the 1st innings, but he isn’t going to carry you, and what the hell is up with Brett Lee? South Africa knocked the runs off pretty comfortably. Ian Chappell, who is a great authority on the game (just ask him) would probably like this article back…. It is also nice to see Ponting have the hump at the end of a game when his team should have won, but had their lunch handed to them by that nice man Graeme Smith, and the professional Jonty Rhodes impressionist AB De Villiers. That attack of Australia’s looks scary… and according to my Adelaide sources the return of Shaun “Mental Case” Tait is a mile off. No shortage of batting, but will they be able to take 20 wickets on a flat deck?

India and England are going through the motions in Mohali. After an insipid first day, England woke up about 26 hours too late, but by then the Indian fox had escaped the hen coop. All my preconceptions were healthily backed up (bar one or two I suppose) in the next 48 hours. Panesar looked unthreatening, Swann isn’t running through anybody, I’d like my Trojans to do more than clean up the occasional tail ender, and Anderson and Broad need help from the pitch to help England. With the bat, need I say more. Cook got to 50 and got out. Collingwood doesn’t do chasing bg leads, Flintoff bat padded again but at least this time he had some runs, and well, Ian Bell. Need I say any more. And what are we doing sending out a night-watchman for Prior? Eh?

In among all that was the giant that was Kevin Pietersen. A tremendous knock of 144 from our greatest batsman since… well in my lifetime. He is just the real deal, and he visibly intimidates very good bowlers. He’ll need to score 700 runs if we are to regain the Ashes because Strauss apart, this other bunch of numpties aren’t going to add anything to the scores. Sure, we’ll get a ton on a dead track from Collingwood to keep his place; Cook will add some 50s and 60s when we need them least; Flintoff will “bowl like a Trojan” and end up with 3 for 80, and Steve Harmison will be playing for Durham.

On to other things, and the Miracle of Miami is still on the cards. Just one win, and the Phins will reach the play-offs and in all likelihood knock the Patriots out. Miami won a ding-dong game with the Chiefs in freezing Kansas City last night and stand an unlikely win in Giants Stadium away from a first round elimination at home to the Ravens. The Jets, since they had that glorious spell of beating the Pats and the Titans on the road, have flat out choked. Miami have really surprised just about everybody by getting rid of their best player (Taylor), their talisman (Thomas) and virtually all their coaching staff, and in one year have gone from 1-15 laughing stocks to 10-5 contenders. They should be very proud.

I was told their were some premier league fixtures this weekend, and someone got sent off, while a team with a lot of money are now in the relegation zone. Someone also told me that Manchester United are world champions. Funny, I thought that was Italy.

Final thought. Who will finally be responsible for Evander Holyfield dying in the boxing ring. He was shot 8 years ago, yet someone keeps giving him chances to win a World Title when he should be getting medical treatment. When he gets very badly hurt will it just be too easy to blame The Real Deal for squandering his cash, or for the unscrupulous promoters who earn big bucks on the back of his stupidity. This weekend he fought a tree and lost on points. He believed he won. He’ll carry on because he wasn’t humiliated. I think it is just an absolute tragedy waiting to happen. You were a warrior in the ring. You will pay for taking it to the bank too often.

A final, final thought. Hatton is fighting Pacquaio? Oh dear.

India 179/1 at End of Play

Lose Toss – Check

Keep Same Batting Line-Up – Check

Oh No, Steve’s Got The Hump – Check

Stuart Broad flatters to deceive – Check

Can’t take wickets on a flat deck – Check

Oh lookie, Ian Bell is playing – Check

Allow monstrously out of form player a 50 – Check

Let unheralded left handed opener score a ton – Check

Freddie Flintoff fails to turn game – Check

Keep woefully out of form spin bowler in team – Check

Woefully out of form spin bowler takes no wickets – Check

Turn over TV to see Aussies wriggle off the hook again – Check

Plus ca f*cking change

A Few Random Thoughts

Yesterday was a bloody hectic day. One of those where the phrase goes “work hard, play hard”. Anyway, enough of that self-indulgent hogwash and onto some more musings…

Australia and South Africa are doing battle in the 1st Test at Perth. Despite my occasional poster Adelaide’s Exile somewhat wistful hopes of a South African win, I just don’t think they are mentally tough enough to beat this mob. I must confess when I could not sleep on Tuesday night, and woke up to find the left ear was playing up again, I put the Test on and saw Australia were 16-3, I thought maybe I was underestimating the Proteas. However from that parlous state, Australia got up to 375 and having taken a bucketload of wickets towards the end of play, South Africa face a large deficit and a lot of time left. This game is the Aussies to lose from here. Same old South Africa in Australia.

England start tomorrow morning in the 2nd Test in Mohali, where just a couple of months ago the hosts trounced Australia. I have little hope for our fortunes at a venue we lost at on our last visit, and expect to see us trounced, if truth be told. As for the team, I hear whispers we might drop Ian Bell. We’ll see. I also read that the area is prone to fog and bad light, and early finishes, so the days could be 70 over affairs if the over rates seen at Chennai are repeated. I know this test was moved because of the Mumbai situation, but couldn’t they have shown some savvy?

Other than that work has dominated the outlook along with arrangements to bring the beloved over for Christmas. I wound down with a drink or two last night and can highly recommend Cruzcampo for taste, if not for a session beer. But as life changes are imminent, I won’t be needing to heed my own advice on session beer for very much longer.

Laters, all.

Ignore All I Said…

New York Consulate. You did a fine, professional job.

The Best NEWS for Christmas. Absolutely over the moon!

Before I Leave – BBC Breakfast News…

There I was, yesterday morning. Full of the joys of a Monday morn’, awaiting eagerly the challenges of the week ahead, with the sheer ecstasy of life pouring through my veins like nirvana intravenously. You get the picture…

Ah, let’s have a very non-working class Dmitri Bagel before one wanders off on the trek to the tunnel of Le Mural Noir – apologies for murdering the language – and see what awaits me on BBC Strictly Come Phone Vote Breakfast. Once past the crass stupidity referred to in my post below, BBC Breakfast decides that it should end my gaiety and joy  by putting this person on my screen.

It absolutely goes without saying that she ticks many of the required boxes to get herself in the “Come The Revolution” box so prevalent along the right hand side of this blog. She writes for the Daily Mail. Check. She has a posh twits name. Check. She’s a do-gooding green freak. Check.

I had to switch the TV off before it was despatched through the kitchen window. Listen, if you have got f*cking time to make Christmas decorations out of f*cking orange peel darling, you are a bloody layabout. If you think writing your piece for the very eco-friendly Daily Mail is work, I suggest you think again, Schizonade or whatever your toffee-nosed name is. Oh look, the do-gooder is married to Zak Goldsmith which means these two lecturing pricks can go on about their green-freakery to their heart’s content when they don’t have to worry where their next f*cking penny is coming from. Look, I’m not rubbing two ha’pennies together myself, well at least until Mrs Dmitri the VS Addict comes over (only joking beloved), but the thought these two multi-millionaires are given house room to lecture to us, the great unwashed, by a BBC Breakfast intent on seeing my systolic number reach record levels is extraordinary. And what sort of f*cking name is She-ra-zanie bint anyway?

Calm down Dmitri.

No I won’t. Here is an article from the hand-wringing, bed-wetting do-gooder’s paper from 2004. Jesus. That’s me having a stroke, that is. We know we are in for a real treat with the first couple of lines.

“I’m grateful to Mrs Zac Goldsmith before I even meet her. The wife of the multi-millionaire editor of the Ecologist has left me a voicemail message confirming arrangements, which also reveals how the hell you pronounce her name – Sheherazade.”

Don’t these people see irony when they write it…

Another bit..

“Not that she’d dream of preaching to her friends, though she does sometimes phone their local authorities to order recycling bins for them, and she has been bulk-buying copies of the two most feisty polemics on the conventional food industry, Shopped by Joanna Blythman and Not on the Label by Felicity Lawrence, to give to friends for Christmas.”

God Give Me Strength. If someone bought me a book called “Lose Weight You Fat Bastard”, I’d very much doubt that the book was meant as a little prod.

I am about to explode. Leave me alone. Take your husband with you…up against the wall multi-millionaire, do-gooding eco-freaks.

Enough. I have GREAT NEWS…..

Some Observations From The Past Few Days

First Up – Thieving Bastards.

I had my wallet pinched in my local post office on Saturday. The little bastards, or maybe not so little, who used their grubby light fingers to either pickpocket me or take what did not belong to them if I left it on the counter for a split second are now up the princely sum of £20. I hope they use it to buy very poor quality drugs laced with a lethal substance which leads to them being in right trouble. I know that’s not very christian, but f*ck them, quite frankly. I am a clumsy clot, who has lost his stuff before, most notably in Australia two years ago, but this one was pretty damn sneaky. A kind woman found the wallet later, having been chucked in the road, and returned it to me, sans £20. There are some good people around. They hadn’t nicked my WindyBricks season pass, which was a relief of sorts. Nor did the thick f*ckers see a perfectly good gift card in there they could have helped themselves to. Most of the rest of the belongings, including all bank cards and credit cards had to be cancelled, so I am illiquid Dmitri with a begging bowl at the moment.

WindyBricks unexpected resurgence continued on Saturday with a last minute winner in Warsaw for the hard of hearing. The mighty bricks took a first half lead from the Chopping Explosionist, who chose Dresden over Warsaw, who equalled the record of a Norfolk Town with cuddly toys for the Windyones. They equalised. The winner was scored in the dying embers of the game when “Comes Alive” notched a vital couple of extra points in front of the Brick faithful. 2-1 and second behind the Tax Avoiding Jockeys, and back to a point above the concrete cow economists. The mighty dog chains are falling away on the back of another defeat, and when The Palace Team from the Railway Yard come to the Slightly Less Old Than Old Watts Stadium on Saturday, we may get the chance to vault the Tax Avoiding Jockeys, although I doubt it. Make sense of that, did we?

Meanwhile the Miami Dolphins continued their faintly ridiculous run to the play-offs with a third win on the bounce and our sixth in seven. This was completed by for the third game in a row preventing the opposition, this time the 49ers, from breaching our goal-line for a Touchdown. Good on ‘em, because the offense is spluttering like me in a dustcloud. Meanwhile the beloved’s Giants are suffering through injuries, most laughably including their wide receiver shooting himself in the leg. He goes by the name “Brains of the Outfit”. Pittsburgh, my tip at the start of the season, Houdinied their way out of another hole this weekend and look the worst team with a good record ever. Their defense is keeping them alive. The Colts are also on a roll, and could be a dangerous foe come play-off time, as Tennessee, the pace-setters, find it tough going at the moment.

Some quick reviews of things I’ve seen or read in the past week or so….

Film -

Bourne Ultimatum – yeah, yeah, it ain’t new, but I liked it. Well worthy of my attention while ironing the XXL Dmitri work attire.

Book -

Jeremy Bowen – War Stories (Book) – pretty good read, and quite honest about his times in war zones. How he got addicted to being in these godforsaken holes when shot and shell were all around, and how his outlook changed once a colleague got wiped out in the same car as him by the Israelis. I actually like the guy on the news, so he was going to get a pass in my eyes if it was slightly below par, but it was a jolly good read. Top show Jeremy!

CD -

Rogue Audio – Haphazard – Hmmmm. Not sure why I’m writing this because I haven’t really given this my full attention yet, but heard the last few tracks on the CD driving into the office today and was pretty impressed. They actually did a pretty good pared down version of Phil Collins’ “Take Me Home”, but their own compositions including the seemingly merged “Someone” and “Game Face” were very much worth a listen. I shall report back further should I have any comments. Global Underground, the dance label from which this came, have a pretty decent tradition of good CDs, and this isn’t bad at all.

Next on this many varied travel through Dmitri’s addled brain is – feeling sad. Next Thursday will be the 4th Christmas without my mum, and the 3rd without my dad. Every year it is supposed to get less painful, when in truth, it is probably hurting more now than it ever did. I am blessed to be married to a lovely American lady who is currently stuck over there due to the f*cking senseless stupidity of the UK visa system – come in Abu Hamza, you lovely person you – and I’m praying she’ll be here for Christmas, because without her, it’s going to be a shocker. I haven’t really felt like celebrating the last couple of years, and my government’s obstreperousness and tardiness means I’ll probably be “Ever So Lonely” this Christmas again. I pay my taxes to these people, and they control me. No mum, no dad, no beloved… it really is no time to be a depressed Dmitri!

I shall return with some comments on how the Yankees decided that sticking with youth and developing your young pitchers is only allowed to happen for one year before your knee jerks back up and frees the wallet from the trouser pocket. Come in CC. Come in AJ. Who wants to take the evil shilling of the mob from the Bronx next…..

Night night.